PART TWO:
My new reality was one that I was not prepared to accept, weeks and months after being diagnosed with Psoriasis and told by the doctor that I was going to have to live with the dreaded condition for the rest of my life (which I was just beginning to live), I felt hopeless and despondent. I was using the treatment that the doctor prescribed and it provided some temporary relief, however I knew that I could not use Methotrexate forever because of the harmful side effects associated with it’s use, the coal tar that I was using discolored my skin badly and made me smell like a freshly paved highway. Before my prescription for Methotrexate could be renewed I had to take blood tests for my liver function so that any damage could be minimized. I was prescribed topical steroids which appeared to be effective for a while as they masked the symptoms, while I applied the steroid to the affected areas in the form of ointment the symptoms disappeared, however the areas where I rubbed the skin thinned and left white spots. The relieve that I got from using steroids was very brief and when the symptoms returned it was with a bang, I would have severe itching and more patchy scaly skin all over my body. My scalp, eyebrows, nails, every area of my body had scaly patches and my symptoms were spiraling out of control. I became very self conscious of the way I looked and didn’t want to leave my small room to face the world. 
Photo courtesy: Health line.com
I am from a very small community and am quite aware of how the people in that society can be judgmental, I knew that when I went to school, to hang out with my friends, to the grocery store, or any other public place, eyebrows would be furrowed and gossip would be passed around as to why my skin looked like that. People would start spreading vicious rumors about what was wrong with me, some would ask me questions and show pity while other kids would be cruel and brand me with unkind names. How could I possibly face their scorn, ridicule and pity? When I was just a small lad there was a young girl in my village who had a skin disorder that left black spots on her legs, I remembered other kids calling her unflattering names and making fun at her expense. In my moments of despair I thought if that girl was the mockery of the village and her skin condition seemed mild compared to what my body looked like, what my treatment would be? What answers can I give when no one from the community ever heard of Psoriasis? I became reclusive, I stayed in my room almost all day, when the time came for me to go visit my grandmother or go to school I was fearful that people would see my skin condition. I wore only long sleeved shirts, long trousers and hats outdoor even when the sun was shining and the temperature was 35 degrees Celsius. I made myself scarce and only ventured out of my home when it was absolutely necessary. 
Photo courtesy: Health line.com
I became an expert in secrecy and managed to conceal my psoriatic skin from outsiders, only my family was aware of my condition. I managed to transition from a phase of total denial to self acknowledgement that my skin condition was not going to miraculously improve and that I must carry on living even if life for me would be far from normal. The year before I had the first outbreak of Psoriasis I had represented my village team in an under sixteen football (soccer) competition, I was very passionate about the sport and felt I would play for many years to come. When I became stricken with psoriasis I turned my back on the sport because I could not bring myself to leave my house in shorts to go to the playing field to play with the other boys. My home was on a hill not very far from the ball park, I stayed on my porch and watched the boys and listened to the thumping sound of feet connecting with ball, I yearned for the day when I could rejoined them uninhibited by my insecurities about my Psoriasis and being found out. I also played cricket and I was determined that Psoriasis would not rob me of all the sports I loved, playing cricket does not require you to wear shorts (it is known as the gentlemen’s game) so eventually I reintegrated myself into the local cricket fraternity. I made sure that my psoriasis symptoms were covered up and by this time I had learned how to manage my condition so that areas of my body that had to be exposed were symptom free. Eventually I became accustomed to my new normal without all the fun activities that a teenager should be indulged in, I stopped going to the beach, I was even ashamed to be shirtless in the presence of my own family members. Two years after I started exhibiting symptoms of psoriasis I graduated from high school, because of all the mental baggage I was logging around and essentially living a lie, I did not perform to my full potential in my exams. My graduating class planned a beach picnic so that the class could celebrate our new found freedom together before going our separate ways to face new life challenges, sad to say I was the odd man out, I did not attend, I had hid my skin condition from my classmates and almost everyone else for two years and I couldn’t let them find out when we were about to part and be scorned and pitied. I felt bad and was overcome with guilt that I was missing out on all these once in a lifetime events but it was the price I had to pay; I certainly didn’t want my classmates having a lasting memory of me being a scared scaly mess. Psoriasis was not a common disease in my community, back then the information super highway had not arrived in my neck of the woods, the internet was still novelty commodity to people where I am from so I couldn’t Google Psoriasis to try and unravel the mystery. I my world and psyche psoriasis was a taboo subject, my high school graduation that was supposed to be one of the happiest occasions of my life closed as a very sad chapter for me.
END PART TWO
vincywilly 